Rebirth Online (Original Works)

ldyrdy

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Nov 17, 2013
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Hello everybody... I'm just starting to write as a hobby.. and without i realized, i'm addicted to it.. in here, i want to share my works to you guys..
it's called rebirth online.. it's a story about online game.. i love sao, so if you love it too, you may taken a liking to my works...
here's the download links..
http://www.mediafire.com/download/3d1ya6xlq42l3wu/Rebirth_Online_-_A_New_Beginning.pdf
I really appreciate if you guys can read it and give me a review... thank you....
 
here's some description about the story...

e world finally enters the new era of gaming. With Syder (synapse reader) implemented on the system, Rebirth Online is be the first VRMMORPG (Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) in the world. The pre-order sales have gone through 500,000 units and reach 1,000,000 subscribers after three months. Hikaru, login to the game for the first time, but it seems that it exceeded his expectation.
 
Here's the prologue...

Prologue
Don’t you think that life in this world is a little bit boring? People talks to someone they know every day, pretending that they are friends. In reality they are doing such things just for their own convenience. Tell to each other that they are friends. Just for a sole reason, so they can take advantage from the other party.
I realized these things since I entered high school. It is true that I was an introvert. I was not an outgoing person, but I can survive in the community. I prefer reading book and playing games, rather than exercising or doing outdoor sports. I didn’t talk much, only when I needed to. But maybe that’s why they decided to pick on me.
One day I was bullied by my upperclassmen. My best friend was at the scene. I called out to him, asking for help. But he just passes by like I was some stranger that he met at the road. The next day at school he said that he was sorry, because there is nothing that he can do.
We have been spending times together since middle school. Hanging out together, doing homework, cheat our way out trough exams, and playing games together. We are close. Or so I thought. So this is how the community works.
People in this world, they are reeks of evil. They only care about their self. Money and power is what they seek. They are a hypocrite if they said they are doing charity because of love. They are doing it so people will have better opinion about them. This world has rotten too much. I don’t have the power to change this world. I never even dream about changing this world.
So what should I do? I don’t have any other place to go. I wander around aimlessly until I stop by a large screen TV in front of a shopping mall.
“Behold the new era of gaming. With Syder (synapse reader) implemented on the system, Rebirth Online will be the first VRMMORPG (Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) in the world. The pre-order sales have gone through 500,000 units and will be shipped all around the world tomorrow, along with the first launch of the server. People who don’t apply for the pre-order can buy them tomorrow at FFAID Corporation building in Akihabara at 7:00am. Luckily, we have Dr. Hans Schneider here with us; please let us welcome the person that invented the Syder, as our guest for the interview tonight.” The beautiful newswoman said it enthusiastically on the TV.
“Dr. Hans, tell me about the Syder. Isn’t it just recently invented and haven’t been properly accepted by various medical organization around the world? Even the rumor says that it possess a threat to the brain.” the newswoman asking with full of curiosity.
“The WHO (World Health Organization) already acknowledges it as a safe and usable product. Otherwise we may not be able to sell it. The Syder itself doesn’t do anything to the brain so it couldn’t damage it. As the name implies, Syder is a synapse reader. Our five senses, touch, sight, hearing, taste, smell even our sense to temperature, pain, balance, time, and kinesthetic is controlled by the brain. This starts when a neuron receives an impulse and they transmitted it to the brain. They transmitted it in a form of electricity trough a connective tissue named synapse which connects one neuron to the other neuron. When this electricity processed in the brain, we often read it as a brain wave. So Syder makes it possible for us to read and send images to the brain of the virtual world. ” explain Dr. Hans who seemed can’t stop talking.
This is it. This is the answer to my entire question. I just have to run away to another world. I just have to run away to that world.


I also have it in ePub files since a lot of people asking me too...
here's the link : http://www.mediafire.com/download/ee826a9aouatcac/Rebirth_Online_-_A_New_Beginning.epub
 
Just quickly taking a glance through some of the story, I would say the immediate biggest hurdle to get me to read it is editing. You need to proof read your story for spelling and grammar mistakes, and for sentences that flow strangely. Especially if you edit them properly, this will improve with time. :)
 
Hello everybody...

Finally the third book of the series rebirth online have finished...

The third book is planned to be finished by new years but there’s been some delay...

But, I promised you that it will be a blast.. hehehe....

Here’s the link : http://rebirthonlinelightnovel.wordpress.com/rebirth-online-the-truth-of-the-world/

The pdf is also available for download..
here’s the pdf link : http://www.mediafire.com/view/rbp6ydsy2z8y6h3/Rebirth Online - The Truth Of The World.pdf

Thank you for all of you who keeps on supporting me...

please look forward to my next book...
 
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I just took a quick look through. There may be some Grammatical errors which is nothing wrong since we all make mistakes. For example she's asking in the present tense but answers are written in the past tense. Of course I just took a quick glance at chapter Rebirth Online – The Truth Of The World so I could also got it wrong.
Anyway i think you just wanted to ask about story. I don't know if you explained (described properly) certaind keywords in previusly chapters(I didn't read them) but you should do so if you didn't. For example keyword wyvern. You must assume that reader doesn't know what they are, how they look........
 
I just took a quick look through. There may be some Grammatical errors which is nothing wrong since we all make mistakes. For example she's asking in the present tense but answers are written in the past tense. Of course I just took a quick glance at chapter Rebirth Online – The Truth Of The World so I could also got it wrong.
Anyway i think you just wanted to ask about story. I don't know if you explained (described properly) certaind keywords in previusly chapters(I didn't read them) but you should do so if you didn't. For example keyword wyvern. You must assume that reader doesn't know what they are, how they look........

comments appreciated... yeah, my grammar still have some issues...

i really forget to explain about the wyvern.. hahaha.. I'm sorry... T_T...

please tell me what you think of the story... ^^
 

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