"A Permanent Disease"

[Deleted member 26105]

"You make friends,

You build bonds.

You have fun times,

You have happy times.

You feel as though the good times will never end.

You get bullied,

Your bonds are broken,

You experience betrayal,

Abandonment,

A sense of loneliness and darkness.

You don't know why things happened the way they did,

You don't know why the ones you cared about are gone,

And one day you are told you are sick, and that is the reason things are
as they are.

You are told there is no treatment,

No cure for your illness.

You are bound with shackles for the rest of time."

 

[Vivi]

I like it very much...I feel that I can understand what it really means, but it's a bit mysterious. It made me want to know more about it's author, actually, and if there's anyway I can help them. :) About the composition itself, I believe it'd be much better if you tried to make a few lines rhyme. I don't have a problem with the way it its,though.

 

[Deleted member 26105]

Thank you for the post. I agree, a little rhyme wouldn't hurt, but I'm not much of a rhymer. I've tried......It didn't work out.lol.

 

[Vivi]

XD I know what you feel since I've tried to do that myself before. :)

 

[Deleted member 26105]

Still, it'd be a nice thing to learn. As you can see from all my poem posts, none of them rhyme really.lol.

 

[Vivi]

Aah that's okay, as long as the message is good, which it is ;)

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hmm try googling for words similar in meaning that rhyme? xD Or at least googling for long words helped me in engrish class =w=