Decalcomania's Departure?

[unownHGSS]

Farewell Deca~ Wish you all the best in life.
Sad to see you go..

 

[Infamous]

i guess this is too late to say this but..... I love you!! lol but seriously, it was nice knowin ya

 

[GenKiDan]

[MENTION=25364]Decalcomania[/MENTION] ;...

I hardly know where to start right now, it was "seemingly"
by pure chance that I came along this way on the forum and saw
all of this at all.

This will most assuredly not be all my thoughts and feelings that
I would love to say. Since I will probably be unable to, wanting to but
lacking the ability to be able.
But I will simply try to start somewhere and go from there.

I was thinking about you, cause I haven't forgotten about you
even though I haven't seen you much lately or talked for what seems like
a long time. Not sure what I was thinking, I think i was thinking about leaving
you an other VM. But instead I happened to look at your
latests posts....And thats how I ended up here.
I am glad I did, hopefully before your gone for good.

I can already tell this will probably be a long post so I'll try
to somewhat squeeze out some redundant typing and just jump
right in...somewhere. What ever comes to mind from all that is
as if 'shaked and stirred' in my heart.
___________
Here I go. I clicked to see your messages to the ones you considered
family. I was pretty sure I would not be there. As if I subconsciously
girded myself for that reality, revealing to myself now that it mattered more
to me than my subconscious protection would let on.
I saw some names, until I looked down and saw my own. I felt surprised,
and excited. Until I started reading, then the surprised excited feeling turned into something else quite quickly. As if my heart started churning and twisting on the inside.

I am usually very direct, and upfront, but as I'm typing this, I feel shy.
But I will carry on to tell you this, what ever it is to be made of it. Or how
clumsily I may write about it.

I had to get up and walk some back and forth some, it's not exaggeration, I guess I'm, sensitive or, just have a squishy heart what ever it might be.

Also I'm afraid that among the masses of thoughts that got 'shaken' around on the inside of me just now, I hope that I remember or can grab a hold of most of them and write them.

I, I don't think I really knew...I didn't know that I had meant as much for you or been able to be of such value. In fact I kinda thought or feared that I had somehow gotten on your bad side, and that you maybe found me an annoyance more or less at some point,
..or something, I'm not entirely sure of. I guess I also have been a bit afraid of
doing something that would have made you angry at me, so I became a bit weary. Including that unique name you wanted each of us to call you for example, I never got to use 'mine' so much that I forgot what it even was...

There is a surprisingly lot that comes up when I think about it all.
I remember a time I thought too myself I should get to know you better/deeper, but never really getting around too it. It all seems so ironic now in retrospect for some reason. As if possibly we would have been "secretly" thinking of each other at times without the other knowing, and not knowing that maybe the other did as well. Just a thought of mine anyway.

It means a lot to me if someone loves me so you know, I can't precicly anymore I'm afraid remember all our communiques at this time that was first exchanged. But I Do remember certain things, and your presence very well. In fact I'd like to tell you that you are one of those special persons from ASF despite what you might think or appearances might
indicate,(if you have any thoughts to the contrary) that evokes the strongest sense of nostalgia for me. You and a few others that where my first encounters on ASF. Nostalgia of a special time, a heart wrenching
and crazy time, yes, for me, downright insane and a great trial.
The very period I first joined here and meet you all. Whom you where among.
And it meant very very much to me. Now I am not the kind of person that
forgets anything if it has been near my heart, that coupled with the fact of my almost insane, traumatic, crazy period of my life when I joined AS, and you where all here with me, makes it guaranteed, that I will certainly NOT forget you. In my own mind I will simply reefer to 'you' and the 'others' as 'Those Nostalgia People' that crept up really close to my heart. And even in the case I am to think of somebody else from that group of people,
you are tied in with the others so that when I do, you are right there as well. And I often randomly get those memories and thoughts every now and then...What I want to emphasize is that they are burned into
my heart for ever. (that along with my reimu avatar! lol. which also happened to burn itself as an eternal memory from that time...)

Now I'm typing such a lot that I have to try and remember my trail of thoughts...Or else I'm afraid I'll forget what I was thinking of typing 5 or 10 minutes ago...

I have also considered this a kind of family. Yes. Others, people are just...well,...not US here. Different. It's joyous too see you have thought similarly.

I wonder, could it be that you, even though you strike me as someone who would say anything to anyone, could actually have restrained yourself from saying some things to me ? Just a thought now, no particular reason behind why I ask that. Though it's a thought that comes up in my mind right now.

All in all. I'd just like to say I am deeply touched by your words, flattered as well even. And happy and grateful that I could have meant too you all that which you have told. Especially in a time of need, in which I can sympathize.

I wish I could revisit that particular time again where you said you loved me.
And I can say that, even though I am hetero, I do love you too. Cause I am not like most self
proclaimed hetero's who's afraid of that.
And besides the times you said I was able to be there for you, I wonder to myself what about me is
lovable. But maybe it's something that just goes beyond mind and into the heart,
similarly to what we both have felt, in regards to us all being of one family...And or possibly
wanting to be, like this unexplainable longing, and, or belonging. Where you know everything is right,
and at ease as it should be, as if almost restored, or as if the mind have lost the memory,
but the heart has not. So we feel, yet do not always understand how or why. We know that the
pleasures of life are fleeting what ever they may be, but our hearts long and search for something
greater, and everlasting....as if we would even care if we found it...
I know I am digressing ever so slightly, but I am like that, I get carried off by my hearts thoughts.
(not that I don't adhere to objectivity ofc when ever called for..)
Personally I wouldn't even mind dying if it was with 'that' greater thing my heart wants above all,
which would undoubtedly include the people I love. Yet as long as we are still well able to live on,
we should, we should not waste ourselfs away, and lose the pains as well as the joys, and all the
experience and growth it can offer..
for who knows what tomorrow might bring, or the day after...

And P.s I am kinda tall at about almost ~190cm And since I'm also a thin guy it probably makes me
look even taller \-.-/

////////////
Finally I won't say words such as "don't go" or the likes, since I am not in a position to judge or know your life's current crossroads. Sometimes it is necessary for us to not look back in order to press on forward. But I will wish you the best of wishes, and I don't think you will be the only one to move on in life soon, for I know that choice is waiting for myself as well. And if I may say so without antagonizing anyone around, lets just say that I believe change is on the horizon for the whole world, and a lot of people will have more serious matters to attend to and think about sooner than they think.

Now I think I covered most of all I wanted to say too you even though I had so many thoughts at the same time, though I might have forgotten some things, and I've sat up way later than usual as well. I'm just glad I saw
this posting of yours as soon as I did. ||*Cause if your gonna go, you should know*|| So that you may go without being held back, and be ready for all thats ahead. Knowing that even if our roads are not always parallel in life, they don't need be, someone will still care about you.
And goodnight from this side of the Atlantic, my eyes are starting to feel
twitchy now.

Warm wishes dear Deca, now be of good cheer.
Regards
Genkidan ~Daniel

P.s. Also I relieve you of having to reply or answer with a, as full and lengthy reply as my own.
I'll be happy just knowing you've seen it before any departure so that you know.

 

[Dark Angel]

Man that post was bleeding my eyes

 

[GenKiDan]

It might be because I wrote it in notepad before posting it perhaps, or just that it was so long...

Some of the text positioning fixed*

 

[Dark Angel]

i don't have enough power to read all this thing from start....

 

[CowSlayer69]

see you next week