Im writing a novel~

[おぎくも]

i thought you were talking about the guy in the zombie 1 >.> the guy in the first is...more blank? he himself hasnt got many emotions they've just been enforced on him...if you get what i mean

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hmm demon lord.... desensitized to most feeling? Well idk xD Could just be a very neutral person~

 

[おぎくも]

its cuz of the power he has its not the conventional 'over 9,000' type of power its more...psychological? i like my powers to be mysterious so even i cant fully comprehend it~

 

[おぎくも]

its not much but i added a bit to the practice novel which introduces 2 of the 3 friends he has at school~ so cliche~ yet so fun to write~

i also added a funny little past story for the main char~

also ive decided that rather than go back and add more detail on what he sees i will just progress with the story for now
not to say i wont go back and do it i just want to keep my mind going atm and will go back and do so when ive progressed the story a bit further

for now tho i must get a shower and then go with father somewhere which will be no doubt dreadful and tiring with lots of ppl and noise and little time to get on my laptop >.>

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hmm friends? xD Oh more stuff on first post~

 

[aexiel]

I still can't get myself to read it again, so much to do. But I suggest to post it by chapters so you don't have to go back every now and then.

 

[おぎくも]

i havnt rlly done enough to warrant a chapter yet tho...

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hmm if there was any random changes to previous parts i dun think ill be finding them till whenever~ Chapters... hmm writers block?

 

[おぎくも]

i more or less know where i want the story to go but the little things in between are so hard to do...

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hmm havent really tried to just write something by myself so idk... cant help there :/

 

[aexiel]

these parts:
Amazing what lengths people will drive themselves to for some food, no let me correct that, its amazing how STUPID my sister is for only putting effort into such things.

“Its amazing how stupid you are to put such effort into getting into this school just for the food”
“How can you call me stupid right to my face all of a sudden!?” Mayumi yelled with tears in the corner of her eyes

the first two parts are redundant or rather, confusing. The way it is narrated, the dialogue of what he thinks of his sister is unnecessary. In a way, it is better that the 'thought' was immediately followed by the sister's dialogue to better express that the mc did not intentionally say it out loud.

it would have been good if you described how (directions) they went to school, designating important landmarks/signposts to give a general feel of the neighborhood, since its the beginning, the author needs to give a panoramic description of every new location outside and inside. I would like to have known where and how the MC parted with his sister before reaching the classroom. Also, mind that it will help the reader if you described the interior of the school, specifically the main hall and corridors as well as the location of the mc's classroom and important stairwells.

need a physical description for Tabuki, whether or not he's an important character is irrelevant. This goes for every other character. On Chihiro, its straight bangs trimmed to just above her eyes. otherwise people would assume the bangs are swept to one side. again hair color would be nice. any additional detail like accessories and mannerisms is more than welcome.

again, do describe the classroom, seat arrangements, classroom equipment, number of tables, MC's and other characters' seat locations, wall detail, etc. are important. After reading, I'm lead to believe that the three of them are still talking at the door of the classroom.