"A WWII veteran was "treating" his hemorrhoids by shoving the piles back inside him using an artillery shell from one of his war guns. So thorough was he in the hemorrhoidal reversal that the veins and the shell ended up inside his body -- which, in turn, ended up inside a hospital. Assuming the explosive wasn't live, the doctor was about to go in for it. But, just to check, he quickly asked, "This shell is spent, isn't it?" To which the old man with the bullet up his ass replied, "Oh, no, there's enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmitt out of the sky." The bomb squad was called in to build a lead box around his butt and defuse the shell before docs removed it. They all walked away unscathed, except for the patient, who still had a raging case of hemorrhoids."
That has to be one of the best things I`ve ever read.