Hello Again~ renano's Current Whereabouts

[GenKiDan]

I used to think about leopards when climbing trees as a kid....And trying to sleep in the branches lol...They made it look easy when they did it.

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hmm... i do think you should visualize monkey more than a leopard? ;p

 

[GenKiDan]

eh but I'm def not a monkey person .....I don't really fancy monkeys that much either....I've always been a cat person...But its the leopards that lays on the branches anyways.....with the feet, tail and pawns hanging on either side....chilling.

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Lol but we dont have claws ;p Though i do prefer cats as well~

 

[GenKiDan]

I got strong nails...I have sometimes cut myself on them~! Though still n ot good enough for climbing trees naturally. But I did want to buy some ninja gear once that would enable it hihi

Its time for beddo...good nighty.

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Some claws of sorts? xD

Hmm nightys genki~

 

[renano]

Might as well consider this a diary, but nothing too revealing. ^^;

My new friend on LINE that likes to take pictures of me while sleeping. So I took a picture of him, taking a picture of me~

Spoiler: ONYD

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Lol wow xD Picture of a picture... xD

And so much butterfly stuff~

 

[Ruri]

Happy to see you're back, Rena. :)

Well I'm 'kinda' back as well... but yeah, 2013 is a busy year for me, but in a good way, since most, of my obstacles are all cleared out now, and I can concentrate more on pursuing my goals and dreams instead of dealing with those obstacles.

And... yeah, welcome back~.

Hello as well to those who know me back then, last year.

And I guess I'll go *poof* again. XD

Talk to you guys again in a... well, 8 or so months or even next year or next, next year, hahaha!

Yeah, need to focus that much in those important tasks now. Bye and take care Rena, and everyone else as well.

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hellos and goodbyes ruri~

Good luck with whatever goals you may have ;p

 

[GenKiDan]

[MENTION=23555]Ruri[/MENTION] ; Don't think we ever talked much before, especially since I had a period of going poof as well.

So you got rid of some of those major obstacles hmm...does that mean you finished skyrim ? ;j

 

[renano]

Another Diary Entry: Forget-Me-Not

I’m not too sure what the correct term is… but there are times in which I block/lock certain memories and they slowly fade. Or if I don’t come into contact with something or someone for a few months, they fade.

During the time I was gone from ASF, I was slowly forgetting about it and lived life as usual.

I mean… I couldn’t even recognize my own father after a few months he was gone on a trip. I said, “Who are you?” when he rang the doorbell. xD :S :x

Events:

- From March to May, I worked with my father and continued on being a caretaker.

- My parents discussed about marriage because by the time I’m 25, they consider that being an “Old Maid”. Asian logic.

- In June, our friends and family found out my aunt is pregnant with her fourth child. (Trust me, she has some regrets.) Also, curse my dreams…

- Started to tutor my little cousins.

- Curse my dreams again. July to September is the absolute worst.

- July = Father wants cheap service to rebuild the driveway

Result = Truck toppled over, almost hit our apartment building (the stair rail is damaged), and caused City Hall to go haywire

- August = Have to wait to get papers signed, wait for people to check/measure our land, water, sewage, all the works to be approved, pay up to an average of $10,000

Why? Because the cheap service my father hired didn’t get a permit and because City Hall is just greedy.

- September = Waiting for the people to rebuild the driveway and waiting for it to dry (made from tar) The whole city has actually been redone so everything smells like tar. =_=

- Had a dream about ASF before my birthday. :3

- October = Currently, I’m helping move stuff for my aunt into her new house and waiting for people to fix the stair rail.

 

[Dark Angel]

You have been in a lot of trouble...

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hmm... 25 really isnt that long of a time considering how you only become "adult" at 18... O.o

Well... locked memories... are we really that scary? xD

I do wonder though... your dreams get better or worse with the months?..~

 

[renano]

Bleh... let's just say all my friends have children who are around 2-3 years of age or married already.

The memory thing is most likely from past events like friends fighting over me, people befriending me for money, parents and friends think the real me is scary or not normal... and other things that hurt emotionally.

Thus, I created some memory blocking to not let me be emotionally hurt if I don't come in contact within a few months... I think. xD

Hmm... most dreams are bad. Good ones are rare. They don't have a pattern or set date.

The dream about ASF was all of you being there and just having fun as usual... while I cried.

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Ehh? You were crying? >< /me huggles ojou sama...
Still wondering what causes the bad dreams...

Social standards and stuffs?.. But are they even out of uni yet?... Children really mess around with uni and stuff @_@

/me huggles ojou sama more... ><
Well... i cant quite connect here as much as i would like... doubt friends would fight over me or... well i did let them borrow money but that was mostly after i got to know them... and my changes were mostly because i disliked how i acted... the dislike influenced by friends later i guess... but it all seems quite minor compared to your experiences...

So you need triggers to remember again..~ It does seem quite troublesome even if it is a self defense mechanism...

 

[AhGwee]

The age of 25 sounds about right. Asians of my parent's generation usually got married in their early 20s or late teens. I think my mother got married to my father around the age of 20 so she wasn't able to finish her education. This was also the case for a friend of mine's mother too. The expected age of marriage in the UK is around the late 20s and early 30s. (While this applies to men also, albeit not as limited) Women usually do not want to get married as soon as possible because they wish to enjoy their single life as much as possible. Once they tie the knot, they will have to commit their whole life to the family they settle down with: whether it be looking after their children and/or their parents from the groom's side. I say groom since it's an Asian family.

I think I would melt down seeing you getting married, but you would definitely have my full support when you do.

It would hurt me inside to see you cry. :c

 

[Second_Flight]

OJOuuu Getting MARRied..??
/me preparing seppuku...

Spoiler: my feeling

mmmmmm.... regret having 4th child... Huhhh,

seems fishyy...

anw this is can be your home.. or it does become your home somewhere in your heart... and when we chat on line its like you gone.. or being kidnapped.. im afraid something worst happen to you.. and you come back here.. i relieve...

we sure will make good memories...

 

[Ghost Kitty~]

Hmm... my parents and relatives dont seem to care or do much about marriage... seems to just leave us to decide on our own @_@ Not much pressure as far as i can tell but maybe im just not there yet...

/me helps second finish himself off since he needs to people to do that~ ;p

 

[renano]

@ Sam

I think I cried because I started to remember the good times we had and that everyone didn't mind too much that I was away for so long.

Causes... I believe the cause is just me trying to balance the 'me for society' and the 'real me'. Repressed feelings and desires?

Some of my friends just became pregnant and didn't manage to enter a university. They would later enter community college.

Others who entered university or worked found 'their significant other' and believe they are the happiest married couple. Some divorced though. Lol~

Very few singles... but even if they are single, they still want a relationship and I don't.

I do need triggers. I'm quite forgetful in everyday things as well, so I tend to write notes to remind myself... and sometimes I forget to write anything. xD

[MENTION=27362]AhGwee[/MENTION] ; [MENTION=7722]Second_Flight[/MENTION] ;

Try not to fear or be too concerned. I'll manage to get out of it somehow.

It's all about communication and understanding. I'm a pretty stubborn person as well. ^^

 

[Second_Flight]

if you stubborn in right way.. i can understand.. if wrong way.. that will be hard..

 

[GenKiDan]

Your such an amazing person. If only I was there. I'd support you anyway I could, and can. And since I have a good memory and as mentioned elsewhere a tendency to making lists, I could be your Memorizer! as well.

The pressure of society and peer pressure from parents/people around you, ..sigh, it's really a conflict that tears at you from both sides, forget what they want. If only I could mend your wings and make it feel like you could fly. We'd fly to different places and forget where we'd been, even traveling around in circles and lol'ing about dejavu's. Seeking out strange rare places and people.
I've heard about the "asian logic" before, all their far distant family members and what not. I don't think they will have to worry about going extinct. But no use in telling them that, since they already have it hardwired in their mind that things should be a certain way I presume. I guess it's an old obsolete tradition back in older days when families where on their own in the world, and bigger meant better in many different ways. I get they probably want you to marry and have many grandchildren as well as being successful, it is a classical internal conflict in todays society.
But who cares about what others do, don't let them take charge of your fate, if you disappoint them because of it, you don't have to feel guilty, you owe it to yourself to love yourself that much, And THAT, you must do ! The worst thing in life is regret.....it's bitter. So bitter thats it's better to do the "right" thing and end up failing miserably because at least then you don't have to deal with unforgiveness towards yourself, that really is the worst of the worst you can put yourself trough. That can truly be angst inducing, regrets that are or seems impossible to get undone.

Do you want me to dress up as an alien and come and abduct you onto my spaceship so we can go see strange new worlds together ? Then no one would know even know what you might be doing, and not be able to say or even think what you should or shouldn't do. btw the spaceship got one of these dream recorders/entertainment systems so Samy can be hooked up too it while he sleeps and all his dreams can be watched on the big flatscreen like a movie. It would be quite fun abducting people.

I was wondering previously if they had convinced you to give up your own career choice for the benefit of the family business or something more "profitable", how are things going in those regards, bet you probably heard the saying that you need to be practical, especially in these financial "unsure times". Think about the future and whats sustainable ect.

I realize something that when you've said you would wish to be accepted for who you are, it's really not so much about general people like myself or any of us here is it ? but most of all your own parents isn't it ? I'm confused about it though, cause they seem like a source of love simultaneously as the biggest stress factor. Is their love conditional or unconditional ? Or...well I guess they might love you unconditionally and that's just making you feel even more guilty when you think you are disappointing them. /hmm I hope I haven't already asked that before.

I would wanna hear more about your dreams if I could, with no details left out...You know I would be all for that, if you remember me saying so. But you got a to-do-or-die list now, and I don't want you to die, so just have fun and do what comes naturally.

You really couldn't recognize him ?
If you really meant it literally....and he still looked like his old self even. Unusual, but okey with me,

I see, then be single, and follow your heart. What would you like to do in life~? If your dreams are bad when you sleep, I wish you may compensate for that by having many wonderful dreams while your awake, and that nothing will clutter or take away your hopes in those dreams. You don't even have to realistically reach them if it comes to that, just be true to your heart and be moving in their direction, thats all it takes, and it is your right to do so.

A certain gwee mentioned he would melt if you got married, I was gonna say I would become Pyre's twin if that happened, but really I'd just die of jealousy. Never the less, I would fully support you also, and overcome it and be happy if it would make you happy. But if not, then I wouldn't want you too marry, even if it was with me.

P.s. I'm sure there are more guys around here that also would paint themselves to look like rambo and shinobi's and make a marriage crash 'strike force' in case you need it.

 

[AhGwee]

A certain gwee mentioned he would melt if you got married

How many "Gwees" are there? >:V

I wasn't sure how to say this, but the best way I could express it would be the Christmas scene in Toradora with Ryuuji and Taiga. I guess that would be how I'd feel? *ehehe*

I don't fear the marriage happening, really. It's like with death. The more you fear it, the faster it will come to you. Welcome Death and he will greet you when the time comes...this doesn't seem like a good example. D:
Well good luck with whatever you will be doing about this. You are the master of your own fate. c:

 

[FinalPyre]

Old at 25 sounds harsh. My brother just started dating again and he is 27 (and finishing up his law degree).

I've never dated anyone and I'm 21. I have no intention of dating in the next several years, or foreseeable future, for that matter. My mom is convinced (convinced herself maybe) that I'll get married and that will "shape up my act", but I kind of doubt it. :P
I've had to lower my expectations of people so many times that I think that finding someone I can stand for some kind of marriage agreement is unlikely at best. I don't think I'm an easy person to get along with for long periods of time either. People just tend to annoy me, and I am constantly trying to find ways to get even more alone time in my day.

It doesn't sound like you are having that much fun. Be sure to take time for yourself! That is important in being mentally healthy.

 

[AhGwee]

^Ideal Strategist.