[LPW# 190] Sleepy Edition

[Deleted member 262447]

My sister chugged a bottle of the sweet kind of cough syrup when she was two and she had to get a tube shoved through her nose and into her stomach to pump it out.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

Christmas cows should wear human hats and eat legs or raw leggys,

 

[Deleted member 262447]

My older brother doesn't have a social life, but he doesn't mind much because of his optimism.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

My older brother once ate a 29 pound ham.

 

[Deleted member 262447]

I turned in my essay but I forgot to record the date on it.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

I went on a date with a man with a gun in his hand,

 

[Deleted member 262447]

I like untying the bows on presents.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

I like setting fire to presents.

 

[Deleted member 262447]

My child has too much on his mind and has trouble focusing on one thing.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

I have a child named Slayer

 

[Deleted member 262447]

My son was expelled from school for bullying a student.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

My son was that student.

 

[Deleted member 262447]

I was making a cup of coffee, I pressed a button, and the machine caught on fire. We have to find the cause of the defect and take measures to prevent its recurrence.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

I once sold a shoe to a homeless dude for 20 bucks.

 

[Deleted member 262447]

We are going to a Chinese restaurant to celebrate grandpa's 60th birthday on Sunday.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

I bought 60 years worth of hamburgers.

 

[Deleted member 262447]

I bought these rain boots at an unbelievably low price, but they aren't waterproof.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

I thought that once I was a bird

 

[Deleted member 262447]

Fundoshi is traditional Japanese underwear for guys.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

Underwater is much easier to wear.

 

[Deleted member 262447]

Why do Japanese people care about blood types so much?

 

[Umbra Mortis]

I spit up gold coins

 

[Deleted member 262447]

I wear glasses not for fashion but because of my shortsightedness.

 

[Umbra Mortis]

I wear nose pieces of peieop

 

[Deleted member 262447]

Have the police found any clues regarding the mystery of the vanishing bacon?