Problems...

[Zeliar791]

I don't want anything out of life, I just don't want to feel pain. I think I am going to watch shiny days with a cup of coffee. That will make me feel better.

 

[Zeliar791]

It seems I have to fix this entire process myself... It is a shame, but I do not have a choice, communication is impossible. I have attempted everything... I am currently working out my problems, but it is a shame, that I cannot talk with someone. People have nothing for me, and give me emptiness. I wish I could talk like a normal human being, but all I can do is figure everything out. I enjoy what I enjoy, now if I can work out this pain, I should be fine for the most part. At least I won't have to suffer anymore, and that is all I can ask for.

 

[Zeliar791]

I don't even know what to think anymore... It seems I am just playing sides against each other. It sure would be nice if I understood what I was doing, all I know is I don't like pain. Other then that it seems I do not seem to care. I wonder if I can learn to manage my time better... Life is madness. Spend most of my time just wasting away... More like I cannot seem to find the will to live. Like I don't even exist.

 

[Zeliar791]

It seems I got caught in cosmetics, and lost site of my actual condition... Hard to say what the cause is. It doesn't really matter of course, other then I had some innate tendencies I sought after, mainly my need for tranquility and a stable environment. That is about it. This world is not stable... I hope you people are not asleep.

 

[Zeliar791]

The problem is which a state, and which is a condition... States probably produce energy, but I am not sure what it all means. There are darker states, and darker conditions. I have been confusing the two, but it appears that I deal with what I call conditions. I mean that I associate with context that produces individuals. Liar Soft namely deals with what I call conditions instead of states... Darker states are often confused for darker conditions. The difference is that darker states are collective. Conditions on the other hand produce what appears to be collective units, but are individuals in context.

 

[Zeliar791]

I like darker tranquil environments, where I do not feel any pressure, and for the most part that would certainty be nice to have. I have always enjoyed things that relaxed me, because I hate all the pressure. People are too mobile, and do not focus on what is in front of them, this is what I hate the most of life. I like it when people are able to focus better on what is in front of them, less on what is around them.

 

[Zeliar791]

Mainly looking for art that produces tranquil effects at this point... I have always liked darker art, but it seems that conditions produce better effects. Liar Soft has always been a good brand. Stuff that makes me feel cozy. I dislike pretty much everything else it seems... All I value are tranquil effects.

 

[Zeliar791]

States deal with absolutes... Conditions deal with probability... Logic deals with reasoned equations... In that case I would assume that emotion is absolute, in that it jumps to conclusions without reason. I mean that emotion does things automatically, but logic is dictate by conditions. People who are emotional do not know what conditions are, and assume that everything is the same.

 

[Zeliar791]

Well I am just playing some games on my computer. I generally find visual novels to be somewhat entertaining... I spend most of my time losing myself in other lives. I am not interested in my own. I find my life to be rather dull and predictable. I enjoy variety, and have enjoyed a large range of hgames. I have also enjoyed alcohol, but we keep running out of money... It makes me want to kill everybody. I am tired of this money problem... I wish people would give me 1000$ dollars so I can have a better life. Instead I get nothing. Not very interesting. So I just waste time on visual novels for the most part. While I eat crap all the time, because hunger hurts. Not very interesting... I wonder why I am still here... Well I just like to waste time, and I also like to eat decent food, I like hot sauce, and I like variety. I like living a complexed existence, where changes occur daily. I also hate remembering things that are non essential. I like good looking females... I only get crap on the search engine... Internet sucks... You can't find anything even if you try... I tend to just stick to locations I am familiar with. I never get good results when I search for things, so I generally browse existing options...

 

[Zeliar791]

Been playing games from Age, and Type Moon. I like the games from Age though the details are bit stiff, and of course the energy is still a bit too much. I relate more with the characters in Age then Type Moon, but the Type Moon characters help me focus better. While I am attracted to certain characters in Age, I cannot stimulate it. My images are only consistent to forms. Of course I usually only use images in order to stimulate functions... That is it. I know this is a duality between luck and fate. Fate deals with absolutes. Luck is always relative. So relative forms and functions. Lighter and darker variants of each. I love art... All art I enjoy deals with luck. But I have always preferred functions over forms. But I find forms to be useful.

 

[Zeliar791]

I am still getting sick feeling... I am completely repulsed by my own existence... Everything about me is disgusting... I am wondering who the hell am I... I do not like to associate with anything resembling me... It is so disgusting... Just like scattered bits... All over the place... A microwaved hamster refusing to die... Yuck... It makes me sick just thinking about. It would be best if I never existed in the first place. I am just crap. My disgust makes me want to vomit. I have always had problems with sicknesses. I do not want to be anywhere near myself... Its disgusting. It would probably be best to just kill everything involving my self, and put an end to this nightmare. I am just scattered bits anyways... It makes me sick just thinking about it. It figured that the only person who doesn't have a society is me. Because everybody else is society... What a bloody mess...

 

[Zeliar791]

Then I would be most similar to Kiritsugu in Fate Stay, or the Innocent Grey process... They deal with fixed logic, rather then variables such as the priest guy in Fate Stay... I keep ditching between them... Probably Falcom as well... The problem is that I have two personalities going in the reverse direction, and I have to destroy one in order to affirm the other. I have two selves, but only one non self... I am not sure what this means... I mean that intuition deals with absolutes, and senses do not... I think senses have what is called selves... But I do not know if intuition can be considered a self... If so its an absolute, or ego as they call it... But the ego exists outside of all logical structures. Kiritsugu uses intuitive logic.

 

[Zeliar791]

These damn puppets refuse to budge... Their existence is my problem, I cannot preform intuition without killing them off. This problem is the reason why I continue to struggle, and I find it to be tiresome. Intuition deals with sameness, and does not require constant stimulation in order to sustain itself, meaning a person can do the same things over and over without getting sick of it. I get these vibes in some of the hanime... Like I could watch it forever... This is very useful if I do not want to move around. I can easily get stimulated by small activities, and do not require constant activity as a result. I like this much better then my current lifestyle, and look forward to the change. I will enjoy it... I do not like constant change, and find intuition to be most useful in that I can live as I do, without feeling compelled otherwise... This is all the more reason why I prefer myself to others. I cannot stand being forced outside...

 

[Ein]

Looks like you need some serious help or counseling in real life dood. No offense intended.

 

[Zeliar791]

Looks like you need some serious help or counseling in real life dood. No offense intended.

So do you, maybe you should go see a therapist right now.

 

[Ein]

Why'd you say so?

 

[Zeliar791]

Why'd you say so?

Because your post pissed me off.

 

[Ein]

Heh. that's why I said I something like " no offense intended"

C'mon. I know you're kinda watered down, I do not even know or have the slightest idea what you are going through but I've read most of your posts and what you are saying and you really need to talk those problems with a friend in real life that you trust the most instead of moping around in forums, sounding like a pissed complainant. I'm not saying this is bad or whatever but if you keep acting like that, it wouldn't even get you anywhere. You'll just continue becoming depressed, sulking down alone and it's not gonna do anything good to your health. And you already said yourself that you've already got in to trouble with the folks at some other forums because of the shit that's happening that's why it's time you go "man up" yourself a little, think of something that would help with your problems and not just by plain worrying about them all day long ang getting depressed by it.

I'd hate to break it to you but you sound like some geek or nerd that got bullied IRL and went online to complain all day long. Well f*ck that, If you feel like you can't find a place in this world where you can belong then you make one yourself. Plain and simple. What would you do if you wanted something? You find ways to get it or make it yourself right? It's like that. Don't even think that you're alone 'cause somewhere, somehow, someone is also suffering like you are right or they might even be going through something more worse. Screw everyone around you who doesn't care. Leave them. You either remain hopeless and sitting like that at the gutters or you stand up, do something, make your own place and show them that you're not just some garbage to be ignored. Just don't go trying doing something stupid and violent.

 

[Zeliar791]

Why'd you say so?

In any case thanks for jolt... You just caused me a great deal of pain... Arigatou...

Heh. that's why I said I something like " no offense intended"

C'mon. I know you're kinda watered down, I do not even know or have the slightest idea what you are going through but I've read most of your posts and what you are saying and you really need to talk those problems with a friend in real life that you trust the most instead of moping around in forums, sounding like a pissed complainant. I'm not saying this is bad or whatever but if you keep acting like that, it wouldn't even get you anywhere. You'll just continue becoming depressed, sulking down alone and it's not gonna do anything good to your health. And you already said yourself that you've already got in to trouble with the folks at some other forums because of the shit that's happening that's why it's time you go "man up" yourself a little, think of something that would help with your problems and not just by plain worrying about them all day long ang getting depressed by it.

I'd hate to break it to you but you sound like some geek or nerd that got bullied IRL and went online to complain all day long. Well f*ck that, If you feel like you can't find a place in this world where you can belong then you make one yourself. Plain and simple. What would you do if you wanted something? You find ways to get it or make it yourself right? It's like that. Don't even think that you're alone 'cause somewhere, somehow, someone is also suffering like you are right or they might even be going through something more worse. Screw everyone around you who doesn't care. Leave them. You either remain hopeless and sitting like that at the gutters or you stand up, do something, make your own place and show them that you're not just some garbage to be ignored. Just don't go trying doing something stupid and violent.

This is what I call downright BS...

 

[Ein]

Maybe it was but I really meant those in a good way. Probably because that's just how I deal with things.
If I can't find a place then I make my own. If I want something, I work for it and it's called being strong and doing what will make you happy. Screw everyone else. We have our own individuality.

 

[Zeliar791]

Maybe it was but I really meant those in a good way. Probably because that's just how I deal with things.
If I can't find a place then I make my own. If I want something, I work for it and it's called being strong and doing what will make you happy. Screw everyone else. We have our own individuality.

Sure... But that doesn't change the fact that you just fried my nerves. Your posts hurt... Literally.

 

[Ein]

I apologize then. =)
I mean, its just you know, you also kinda pissed me about how you talked like its the end of your everything, and there's nothing else left. But at really, at the end of the day, it's still yourself and your decision that will get through you in those hellish moments when you really feel like no one else is with you.

 

[Zeliar791]

I apologize then. =)
I mean, its just you know, you also kinda pissed me about how you talked like its the end of your everything, and there's nothing else left. But at really, at the end of the day, it's still yourself and your decision that will get through you in those hellish moments when you really feel like no one else is with you.

That is nice, but my question to you is... Do you have any idea what pain really is? If you felt it perhaps you would not be thinking such.

 

[Zeliar791]

I apologize then. =)
I mean, its just you know, you also kinda pissed me about how you talked like its the end of your everything, and there's nothing else left. But at really, at the end of the day, it's still yourself and your decision that will get through you in those hellish moments when you really feel like no one else is with you.

In any case your post proves to me that you have virtually no understanding of my condition. So I do not think you have the right to criticize me.

 

[Ein]

Thinking such what? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Besides, you can't totally compare real-life shits like with someone else because no one far outweighs the others' experiences and vice-versa when it comes to stuff like that.

Let's just say I might have gone in some problems too that got me in to saying all the stuff and things I said so far. I learned things the hard way.