Problems...

[Zeliar791]

Thinking such what? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Besides, you can't totally compare real-life shits like with someone else because no one far outweighs the others' experiences and vice-versa when it comes to stuff like that.

Let's just say I might have gone in some problems too that got me in to saying all the stuff and things I said so far. I learned things the hard way.

Perhaps... But the fact is that you have not even read my posts, and your responses are automatic.

 

[Zeliar791]

In any case I do not like it when people attempt to read my mind before responding to my posts... I think it to be rather intrusive to my personal privacy.

 

[Ein]

Automatic? I dunno about that. This is how the way I've been in my whole life on the net. Then what's the point on trying to make this thread if you find people like me "intrusive" and if you don't want people digging to your privacy? I have read your first post here and some of the other ones but not to the extent that I really read them all. I'm not taking those things nor gonna edit them 'cause those were what I really have to say. I was just trying to help in my own way so yeah, If you found it "intrusive" I'll stop here.

 

[Zeliar791]

Automatic? I dunno about that. This is how the way I've been in my whole life on the net. Then what's the point on trying to make this thread if you find people like me "intrusive" and if you don't want people digging to your privacy? I have read your first post here and some of the other ones but not to the extent that I really read them all. I'm not taking those things nor gonna edit them 'cause those were what I really have to say. I was just trying to help in my own way so yeah, If you found it "intrusive" I'll stop here.

More like you knew what I was going to post before I posted it, and gave me a generic response. Do you think I am stupid? I have posted on dozens of forums... People are not smart, they jump to conclusions, and I try to get conclusions... I find this to be unbearable. It would be useful if we could discuss the context of my analyzes, maybe you can verify, question, or clarify content. Instead of my psychological condition.

 

[Ein]

Oh sure why not. And don't get me wrong, I am not underestimating you, jumping to conclusions or whatsoever but if you feel that way, what can I do? If you really just think all are like that just because they are just some, "unknown" or anonymous person in forums or BBS boards acting like a bunch of smart folks jumping to conclusions then what's the point on mingling with them? From that response, I can only infer that somehow, you are still hoping someone might get to help you even though you know it's going to be like that.

 

[Zeliar791]

Oh sure why not. And don't get me wrong, I am not underestimating you, jumping to conclusions or whatsoever but if you feel that way, what can I do? If you really just think all are like that just because they are just some, "unknown" or anonymous person in forums or BBS boards acting like a bunch of smart folks jumping to conclusions then what's the point on mingling with them? From that response, I can only infer that somehow, you are still hoping someone might get to help you even though you know it's going to be like that.

I guess so... But I think it would be interesting if I could have a constructive debate on words... But nobody has any interest in my topics... They just figure I am crazy, and that is why I am posting on forums... They do not care in the slightest. How many times people have asked me if I considered suicide... People have called me all sort of things, and for no reason. Same with the empty advice to see a psychological... Do they even ask me what kind of psychologist I like? They do not care about my likes, and dislikes. They flat out ignore them. Its as if I do not exist in the first place, like all my experiences are completely ignored, and nobody listens to me, they just spout out nonsense, and jump to conclusions on what they think I need, versus what I think I need. I hate them so damn much...

 

[Ein]

See. What did I told you in my previous post? I don't even think you are in a very deranged state. Did you even saw anything that I posted that referred to you as like that? No. Go ahead and feel free to scroll back a few pages.

 

[Zeliar791]

See. What did I told you in my previous post? I don't even think you are in a very deranged state. Did you even saw anything that I posted that referred to you as like that? No. Go ahead and feel free to scroll back a few pages.

I like to read past the words. For the record I do not have any friends, and I hate my parents. I would probably go on a chainsaw massacre if I did not resign myself to isolation.

 

[Zeliar791]

See. What did I told you in my previous post? I don't even think you are in a very deranged state. Did you even saw anything that I posted that referred to you as like that? No. Go ahead and feel free to scroll back a few pages.

In any case you probably already know why I am posting in the first place... So this is not all that interesting. Of course as long as I can end this nightmare, I suppose that is it. I have been enjoying the functions I feel from hanime, but it is not complete yet. At least this way I won't have to deal with problems in losing pleasure on routine activities.

 

[Ein]

I'm not saying this to provoke you to do what you just said but can you really do it? Can you really take the final images that will get burned in to your memory upon doing so? Just imagine the whole thing happen in the most realistic way you can imagine. What will happen to you next after such grotesque rampage? Did it even help your life get any better?

Then take a look at the second possible scenario, you stand up after having a great deal of time pondering your current predicament and thinking of all the things you can do to change everything, you realize something and see to it as that faint light in the darkness you so cower in to. Then you decide to try taking a step and betting everything else you have left to change things.

You are still young and so many things are yet to happen. Things will only continue to go like this if you let it be.
Like I've said before, if the people around you doesn't even give a damn about you, if you can't find a place to belong then you make one yourself, and work hard to get what you want. I'm sure your folks still cares for you. Try talking to them.

 

[Zeliar791]

I'm not saying this to provoke you to do what you just said but can you really do it? Can you really take the final images that will get burned in to your memory upon doing so? Just imagine the whole thing happen in the most realistic way you can imagine. What will happen to you next after such grotesque rampage? Did it even help your life get any better?

Then take a look at the second possible scenario, you stand up after having a great deal of time pondering your current predicament and thinking of all the things you can do to change everything, you realize something and see to it as that faint light in the darkness you so cower in to. Then you decide to try taking a step and betting everything else you have left to change things.

You are still young and so many things are yet to happen. Things will only continue to go like this if you let it be.
Like I've said before, if the people around you doesn't even give a damn about you, if you can't find a place to belong then you make one yourself, and work hard to get what you want. I'm sure your folks still cares for you. Try talking to them.

It seems to me that you are not concerned with the outcome. You figure it doesn't matter. I believe your process comes from the future, and this world is the past. The past deals with propellers, but your reasoning is more like wings... I suppose it was only me trying to figure things out. You people are already determined, and two you do not care how it ends, because you have no responsibility. Of course if you were in my shoes perhaps things would be different, but I did not suffer this hell just so I could just go and... Well you get the picture. I am through with this madness... If I wanted to go your prescribed way, I would have done so in the first place instead of dragging this process for so long. I have suffered too much, and cannot even bear to alter it at this point. Not that you have any concerns or understanding of my predicament. I do not expect any of it, but I have made my choice, and do not go back on it... I have had enough, and you do not have the right to comment on my family, you have no bases for your certainty, it is purely abstract.

 

[Ein]

Then tell me, if folks here, including myself did not care for the least of your troubles. Why do you think would I keep on talking to you this long and unto this point? Did you think I was doing this to be entertained? What kind of sick creature are you trying to compare me to?

We were helping you to the best we could but what are doing? You keep on refusing that little help we can give. You keep on shutting yourself away and you're the one generalizing us. You keep on saying you're the only one trying to figure things out. Then I repeat this, SCROLL BACK AGAIN. I haven't edited anything until now and I hope you do see the point. Yes. My reasoning may be like wings. And it's because wings can take you farther and give you better control and footing yourself than a crude propeller that can break easily and can only take you in one direction.

 

[Zeliar791]

Then tell me, if folks here, including myself did not care for the least of your troubles. Why do you think would I keep on talking to you this long and unto this point? Did you think I was doing this to be entertained? What kind of sick creature are you trying to compare me to?

We were helping you to the best we could but what are doing? You keep on refusing that little help we can give. You keep on shutting yourself away and you're the one generalizing us. You keep on saying you're the only one trying to figure things out. Then I repeat this, SCROLL BACK AGAIN. I haven't edited anything until now and I hope you do see the point. Yes. My reasoning may be like wings. And it's because wings can take you farther and give you better control and footing yourself than a crude propeller that can break easily and can only take you in one direction.

These are just words... They do not mean anything.

 

[Ein]

Yes they don't if you keep on shutting away yourself.
It's always never too late. Statistically, an average human being can live up to 80 years or more. That leaves you with 60 years or more to fix things and live a better life.

Look, what's the point on observing this thread and keeping watch for replies if you would just keep on refusing away everything I've been saying until now? That action itself already means that you are still somehow willing to change and receive help. Can't you see people are already trying to help you and yet you still shun it of as "just words"? Don't be ridiculous.

 

[Zeliar791]

Yes they don't if you keep on shutting away yourself.
It's always never too late. Statistically, an average human being can live up to 80 years or more. That leaves you with 60 years or more to fix things and live a better life.

Look, what's the point on observing this thread and keeping watch for replies if you would just keep on refusing away everything I've been saying until now? That action itself already means that you are still somehow willing to change and receive help. Can't you see people are already trying to help you and yet you still shun it of as "just words"? Don't be ridiculous.

You are completely crazy... And here you say I should see a therapist...

 

[Ein]

Maybe I am for trying to help someone who would keep on refusing the help other people are giving him/her.
I can't say anything else to you know 'cause I already everything you need to think about. So what I'm gonna do now is leave you for a while so that you can think for the stuff so far. I suggest you read everything again carefully including everyone else's replies, back away from your computer and spend some time thinking. Anyways, have a good weekend. Don't hesitate to ask for anything else to any of us. We'd really help you out with that.

 

[Zeliar791]

Maybe I am for trying to help someone who would keep on refusing the help other people are giving him/her.
I can't say anything else to you know 'cause I already everything you need to think about. So what I'm gonna do now is leave you for a while so that you can think for the stuff so far. I suggest you read everything again carefully including everyone else's replies, back away from your computer and spend some time thinking. Anyways, have a good weekend. Don't hesitate to ask for anything else to any of us. We'd really help you out with that.

You are like a puppet dangling on a string... Laughing, and rotting with pus.

 

[Zeliar791]

So somebody jams a pike in my eye and says "have a good weekend"?

 

[Zeliar791]

So back to my problems... Yes suicide is not the answer, it is best to purge all traces of a tainted existence... Mind you I would not pursue this path if I was more decisive growing up, then I would have found an easier alternative, though I would imagine that suicide can be painful, and it is better to focus on fixing a process, then quick termination. This is only to reduce suffering... I do not care for this existence, I would rather put an end to it in a way that I will be happy... I mean that I enjoy the art I have been focusing on... So I seek to emulate what I feel connected to in order to purge all traces of this hell.

 

[Ein]

Yes that's a lot better and that would be a good start I guess. So long as you're willing to change and fix things for the better, it wouldn't be really look bad no matter how small or how simple your plan is. And don't make me laugh, do you still think until now that I was just making fun of you or trolling you around? Sure, I may have my own twisted dilemmas or strange ways of entertaining myself but making fun of someone in that same depressed state like yours isn't really "human".

What matter or kind of "art" are you talking about anyway? Is painting, drawing or writing? Who knows? Maybe you're really engaging in that kind of art might also be one of the ways there is to change the things you need to change. Beethoven became deaf, but he still continued to produce timeless classics.

 

[Zeliar791]

Yes that's a lot better and that would be a good start I guess. So long as you're willing to change and fix things for the better, it wouldn't be really look bad no matter how small or how simple your plan is. And don't make me laugh, do you still think until now that I was just making fun of you or trolling you around? Sure, I may have my own twisted dilemmas or strange ways of entertaining myself but making fun of someone in that same depressed state like yours isn't really "human".

What matter or kind of "art" are you talking about anyway? Is painting, drawing or writing? Who knows? Maybe you're really engaging in that kind of art might also be one of the ways there is to change the things you need to change. Beethoven became deaf, but he still continued to produce timeless classics.

Art mainly dealing with darker emotions... I have already highlighted examples... Of course Age is one, but is a bit on the lighter side... There is School Days... Darker Then Black was a good one... There was that church female in fate stay hollow... Falcom games are dark... Rail Soft... Liar Soft... I already mentioned Innocent Grey a dozen times... I could list others later, but those types for the most part.

 

[Zeliar791]

Holic I believe was one of them... There was blood c... Well stuff like that. I have always been attracted to darker emotions... Again do not confuse that with a Mafia drama... It is not the same.

 

[Zeliar791]

Just another meaningless post... I keep causing problems it seems. Of course I do not like being attracted to things that do not benefit me. I find it useful to figure out what I am first.

 

[Ein]

It's not meaningless if that/those certain thing/s made you happy even for a while. It's like what Sanae Hanekoma from "Subarashiki kono sekai/The World Ends With You" said, "Enjoy the moment with everything you got. Whether its gloomy, whether its bright!"
And I really liked that catchphrase of his.

 

[Zeliar791]

It's not meaningless if that/those certain thing/s made you happy even for a while. It's like what Sanae Hanekoma from "Subarashiki kono sekai/The World Ends With You" said, "Enjoy the moment with everything you got. Whether its gloomy, whether its bright!"
And I really liked that catchphrase of his.

You will not understand any of my posts... You live on the other side if you catch my drift.